Saturday, March 10, 2007

BLAMES, ENOUGH
I'm indeed angry by all the demands by my parents.HMPH!They asked for better grades,better results and wanted me to hit 75% for the average total score.They wanted it,and i tried,and I even went higher than their expectations.When I did so,they sort of reprimanded me,especially my ahma,and they said that it was NOT ENOUGH.They compared me to other schools then they said that other school's results were usually all over 80% and we were going to sit for the same o-level paper.Please,you wanted it and I gave it to you and I got scolded again when I went over your expectations,WHATS THIS?!HUH!? Even when I got the highest marks in class,my ahma will say that its not enough,lowest marks,get nagged and scolded.I'm pissed okay,I don't want this anymore.Just look at the common test,when I told them about my chemistry marks,they said it was bad!at least my mother could understand what I was trying to tell them,we don't have enough time and the paper was too hard. And when my ahma heard it, she blasted off :你的班最高几分？你看啦！为什么人家可以拿那么高，哪里不够时间？就是因为你的水平不够高,as if she sat for the paper? And the english,when she knew that only 1/4 of the whole level passed and I passed luckily, she said my results were still not good and she started blaming me for my languages.Last year I even got blamed for doing my art work and chinese.!! Its enough,enough.... She doesn't understand at all and keeps blaming me.Blames on my average,my rank,my position. They wanted me to get into the top 3. and I'hv done it,they complained it was not enough. I believe that even if I manange to get first in class,they will still say that as compared to other schools,its still worse. In the first place,if I was so clever, I wouldn't be here right?!


and this person here,another source of problem. I complained to my mother and ahma about garfield,about how he called us maths and biology failure and I got BLAMED by my ahma again.
对啊，你就是不好人家才会骂你失败者!!! I was so damn scared and I bickered with her and I shouted and shouted,its so irritating.pissed pissed pissed pissed pissed.And now,my mother is overseas for one week and I'm coped up at home with her for ONE WHOLE WEEK.
Maybe I'm not a very good soul or what,but at least I tried,I tried to help when people needed it,I helped them with practically what they requested for,I don't request anything in return.I don't do it with a motive.I do it because I feel that I should.You told me to help,I helped.You told me to do this,I did this.You told me to do that,I helped with that. I asked for help,cold shoulder was given most of the time or I was being ignored, I depended only on the 0.05% for your help.DO you know the feeling of that,being ignored in front of people.The next moment,someone else, someone who was more "useful" than me came and asked, and I was just standing there,dazed. The person asked almost the same thing,you agreed and left me there. It happened most of the time,its just that people don't see it.Why am I the one?why?you utterly embarrassed me and after this,you asked for my help again and I agreed again. I feel that I shouldn't treat you the same way you treated me.But there's a limit okay,sometimes I might be forced in doing things that I don't want. Don't you feel a little embarrassed by refusing my plead?You still dared to look at me with those eyes,as though you have done nothing wrong? Its enough.truly enough. now,stop that. don't make me try that on you, in concern that you might go off complaining again, and in the end,its me,its me again who gets those stares from people. I nearly cried this week,but I didn't, I controlled.phew. I SHALL NOT BE LIKE YOU.

This song,bei pan makes me feel better.

//GARY CHAW//

school of witch craft at 3:04 PM